by Jennifer Zmurchyk – Prairie Sky Wellness
If you love you don’t let go. The thing you let go of is the experience.Yogi Grand master Akshar
Many of us have had the experience of deeply and truly loving another person, but for whatever reason it doesn’t work out. Bad timing, individually wanting different things, people and circumstances beyond our control that are interfering in the situation, outgrowing each other. There can be many causes for a relationship to fall apart; even one that is based on real love.
So how do we let go of a person whom we honestly love without condition in a way that is compassionate with the understanding that some things are not meant to be? How do we give up clinging onto the hope that something will change in a situation that is clearly not working in its present form?
Letting go of someone is very difficult and painful where there is mutual love with a deep bond, but the realization is eventually reached that the relationship is not healthy.
We can’t ‘fix’ other people. The only person we can fix is ourselves. For us to even assume that another person needs to be ‘fixed’ is a sign of disrespect to where they are at in their own journey of life.
It is much easier to get out of a situation or to say goodbye when it is toxic, and there is an understanding that the other person’s intent was only to use us and the relationship was based on codependency, not love.
So how do we let go of a situation where we truly love another person?
Understand that perhaps the relationship was meant to fall apart.
Many times relationships fall into repeating patterns and toxic cycles. Maybe the situation needed to fall apart completely in order for something new and healthy to be built; death to the old so the new can be born.
All of us are the result of our programming from society and childhood as well as our experiences in life. When a loving relationship breaks down, it is important to take the time to examine how we as individuals contributed to the problems.
Were we projecting any of our own core wounds onto the other person?
Did we have unrealistic expectations?
Was there a reliance on the other person to make us happy and feel fulfilled rather than finding that happiness and love within ourselves?
Were there unhealthy attachments based on fear that the other person would leave us? Fears of abandonment?
What did we do to hurt the other? Barring situations where there is abuse, relationships do not fall apart because of one person. Just as it takes both people to build a healthy relationship, it takes both people to destroy one.
Take the time apart to grow as an individual
If a relationship is meant to be, it will be.
Regardless of whether or not this person comes back into our lives, taking the time to grow as an individual will only serve to help us in any future relationships.
What can we do to help ourselves during this time after we have said goodbye to a loved one?
Make self love and self care a priority
Chase the dreams we have had all our lives – start ticking off those things on our ‘bucket’ list
Practice gratitude. Rather than focusing on the love that is gone, focus and be grateful for everything amazing in our lives that is still there
Create a happy and abundant life for ourselves with the understanding that it is not another person’s responsibility to make us feel happy or loved
Accept the other person for who they are and where they are at in life
Loving someone unconditionally means exactly that. Loving without conditions, expectations, control, or judgement.
Truly loving another person means we have the understanding that everyone needs freedom and space. Having respect for the fact that all of us need to walk our own path and journey in life without interference. Love is not about control and neediness. It is about compassion and kindness.
It is important after a relationship breaks down to take the time needed to heal from any bitterness that we have towards the other person. Allow ourselves to forgive and have compassion for anything they did to hurt us. When we hang onto negative emotions it has the effect of creating poison inside of us that festers and becomes toxic.
Perhaps this person may come back into our life at some point. Or maybe someone new and better suited for us may come in. No matter what happens, the time spent on healing and self growth will be paid back as we all attract to us what we are. If we are healthy and living in a mindframe of joy and abundance, that is what will come to us.
Some people are only meant to be in our lives to teach us valuable lessons. though these lessons may be hard, if we take the opportunity to learn from the situation and what it has taught us, the negative of needing to say goodbye is replaced with the positive outcome of us becoming a better person.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.